The topic of dating keeps coming up.. so I figure I may as well say something about it. I am not good at this dating thing. Chiefly because I suck at initiating things. Show me a girl who is broken-hearted, messed up, in need of moral support, and I am your man. I will make her whole, and prepare her for the world of men, or relationships and such again. But show me a perfect girl, who is beautiful, and whole in every way, and I shut up; I dare not approach her, because inevitably I have formed this perfect notion of her that I cannot overcome. The thing is, I am always going to be that nice guy; the sweet, corny guy with the self deprecating humor who can bring a smile to any damsel in distress without fail. I am good at that kind of stuff. But if you want me to chat up a girl, forget it.
In the end, I value being a friend too much. The moment I let go and charmed a girl, then chances are we will have a good time, and she would like me and mistake her tenderness for me as some sex drive. Then, I am just another asshole who wants to get in her pants... I don't want that. I don't want to be the smooth guys whom I envy from time to time. I want something more than that. I like to believe that most girls are out of my league... what is wrong with that? That I admire women, I adore them, I cherish them. I feel great knowing that despite their perfection, they still need people like me to remind them just how awesome they are, and that they are the best. Do I feel some form of sadness knowing that they will never see me in similar light. Sometimes... but what is that compared to being the one who can help them actualize their potentials for a greater relationship with someone better. The reality is I believed even more dearly that the one for me is out there. That if I work hard at helping others actualize their romance, then my time will come too.
I know I may appear the lesser male, because males are supposed to be confident beings who bang their own drums and sing their own praises. But screw that... I may not be the manliest of men... but I know what I will be good at, and that is all those things that comes after courtship. I know I will be a great dad and husband. Just for now, this dating thing is not working for me. Least of all the casual thing. It isn't me. If some hypothetical girl would bear with me through the roses and corny phase of dating, I know I will not fail her. Oh, I will be the sappiest man alive, but I think I will be the happiest one too because I will have fun making her happy. But for now, I am just going to be me... despite how pathetic it may sound. I suck at being single, but I am learning about myself, and I am ok with it.
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