A fishing life

I want to believe that life is a continuous lesson on letting go; kind of like a huge catch and release fishing program. Each moment you are paddling up and down some body of water, setting you lures, casting the nets in hopes of catching something big. But it is not about taking that fish home with you. No, it is about being able to reel it in after a long fight with it, take a snapshot, have a story to tell, and then throwing it back and fish somewhere else. Similarly, I want to take enough ownership of what my life has to offer me so that when the day arrives for me to let go of life itself, I can do so without any remorse. I would like to know that before I let life slip back into the murky waters of death I have fought hard for it, got some entertaining stories to tell with it, and have evidence that I did achieve it. 

I know this kind of talk sounds morbid, especially coming from someone my age; but I am not fatalistic or suicidal. I guess I am just painfully aware of the limited conditions of being. That being said, I just want to know that each day I strive to live to the fullest that I can. Regardless of what is thrown in my way, I want to dare myself to take ownership of it, to truly experience every aspect of it so that I can say I owned it, and I can let it go. The positives and the negatives; oh, especially the negatives. 

It is definitely not easy being a fisherman of life. There are many moments of pure frustration. There are times when you would go on days without catching anything, or you snagged every piece of crap there is to be snagged. There will be moments where you just have to watch helplessly as a huge opportunity swims away despite the fight you put up with it. The worst I suppose is watching other fellow fishermen being so damn lucky and walking away with fine "catches". 

I know for me, I still haven't truly been able to say I have caught anything worthwhile. Life eludes me. I wanted to say I have loved deeply, laughed heartily, cried fully and fought valiantly. I wanted to say I have tasted it all, pain, abysmal despair and utmost euphoria. But alas, I know I am not even close because I definitely haven't been able to let anything go. There are so many aspects of life that I still haven't gain ownership of. I feel I have no evidence or witnesses to testify that indeed I did attain something great. 

So here I am, sitting on my dingy little boat, toughing the weather out, praying to the Almighty that please let this be the day I catch something big so that I can let it go. Please allow me moments of pure exhilaration as I fought and conquer some big fish. And if today is not the day, then grant me patience to wait it out and not be envious of what others have caught. Grant me serenity so that I will not curse humankind for polluting life every time I snagged on some crap that others have left behind.