Vagina

***maybe offensive and vulgar***
Vagina, literally and figuratively speaking, is the ultimate commodity. People are always focusing on the penis, its size, girth and length. But they have it all wrong. Because a penis is useless if you don't have a vagina. Without the vagina, you are just a guy with a dick in his hand shooting blanks. The reality is this: it doesn't matter how grand your phallic symbol is, the wealth of the US is not symbolized by the Washington Monument, nor France's masculinity by the Effiel Tower. Ultimately a nations' power and wealth comes from the fertility of the land, the womanhood of the nation - the yonic. We are talking about the ability to reproduce and replenish what we use up on a daily basis. And that fertility is safeguarded by none other than the vagina of the land. It doesn't matter how many and how big your warheads are, in the end, you have got only one egg. So guys, stop strutting around pointing to that bulge in your pants, because if women so chooses to with-hold their vagina, you are screwed. So I say, forget about your penises, and start treating the vagina and those who possess the key to it with all the respect and adoration you can muster. Stop playing your man-games, and realize that you are so owned by women.

Fundamentalism

Fundamentalism is not a disease of the ignorant, the mindless, and the dumb. It is in fact brought about by highly organized and intelligent beings who are set in their ways and are too damn certain about everything. They polarize and ostracize, refusing to move beyond their own comfort zone even in the face of oppressing evidence. So ensconced in their cocoon of certainty that any threat to the status quo, however slight, is dealt with harshly until resistance is efficiently eliminated. Why? Because they are afraid of change. They are afraid of uncertainty that is beyond their control. They are afraid of taking the blame should they fail. 

Insanity

People want to believe that there is a fine line between the insane and the sane. That is just not true, there is only a continuum ranging from the highly deranged to the subliminally disturbed. We are all crazy in our own special way, uniquely dysfunctional; especially those who contend that they are normal. I know this sounds harsh, but I think it is important to acknowledge that nobody, and I mean nobody is "normal". The sooner we accept this, the better we can move on and get along. 

My Gift

Everyone needs someone to appreciate them, to love them, and to share in their sorrows and their joy. We all need a witness to bear testimonies to our lives. We need muses to inspire us, and mentors to motivates us. Each of us is a performer on the stage of life, and we each need our audience to which we play to. An artist captures beauty to share with others, a musician charms his listener with wonderful sounds, and a poet provokes us to ponder the world around us. Yet, it is not just their talents that makes them great, it is the appreciation they received that sparks them on to greater things.

My role in this transitory world may not be to astound others, nor to impress; but instead to enhance and amplify the talents of others through my appreciation for them. I am not gifted in any exemplary manner, but I can do my darnedest to glorify the talents of others. That, in itself, may perhaps be the biggest gift I can offer to the world about me.

The Hand of a Dying Friend

Did you ever held the hand of someone who is dying?  That experience, it stays with you.  The hand, the hand is a bit cold, possibly from the poor circulation.  There isn't much of a grip, save maybe for the faintest pressure at the finger tips.  You hold on, shifting the grip of your hand so that those finger tips would find your pulse, willing your pulse to guide theirs.

You hold that hand long enough, you too can feel faintly the thready pulse; and chances are you will begin to deceive yourself by trying to will the next one and the one after that, hoping they would become strong, and in a way they do as you become more attune to them, but it remains a thready pulse nonetheless.

The hiss of the ventilators, the steady beeps of monitors, none of that matter as you slowly phase them out, honing in on that sacred rhythm between breaths and pulse. That's your whole world right there.  Life and death connected tenuously by the barest touch.

And then it happens, a minute twitch, a sudden calm, followed by an equal sudden slack, even before the machines announced it, you know.  It is peace shattered by the wails and sirens of the monitors echoed in your heart but unspoken unvoiced as you held on tighter to a hand that will not return the favour ever again.

A fishing life

I want to believe that life is a continuous lesson on letting go; kind of like a huge catch and release fishing program. Each moment you are paddling up and down some body of water, setting you lures, casting the nets in hopes of catching something big. But it is not about taking that fish home with you. No, it is about being able to reel it in after a long fight with it, take a snapshot, have a story to tell, and then throwing it back and fish somewhere else. Similarly, I want to take enough ownership of what my life has to offer me so that when the day arrives for me to let go of life itself, I can do so without any remorse. I would like to know that before I let life slip back into the murky waters of death I have fought hard for it, got some entertaining stories to tell with it, and have evidence that I did achieve it. 

I know this kind of talk sounds morbid, especially coming from someone my age; but I am not fatalistic or suicidal. I guess I am just painfully aware of the limited conditions of being. That being said, I just want to know that each day I strive to live to the fullest that I can. Regardless of what is thrown in my way, I want to dare myself to take ownership of it, to truly experience every aspect of it so that I can say I owned it, and I can let it go. The positives and the negatives; oh, especially the negatives. 

It is definitely not easy being a fisherman of life. There are many moments of pure frustration. There are times when you would go on days without catching anything, or you snagged every piece of crap there is to be snagged. There will be moments where you just have to watch helplessly as a huge opportunity swims away despite the fight you put up with it. The worst I suppose is watching other fellow fishermen being so damn lucky and walking away with fine "catches". 

I know for me, I still haven't truly been able to say I have caught anything worthwhile. Life eludes me. I wanted to say I have loved deeply, laughed heartily, cried fully and fought valiantly. I wanted to say I have tasted it all, pain, abysmal despair and utmost euphoria. But alas, I know I am not even close because I definitely haven't been able to let anything go. There are so many aspects of life that I still haven't gain ownership of. I feel I have no evidence or witnesses to testify that indeed I did attain something great. 

So here I am, sitting on my dingy little boat, toughing the weather out, praying to the Almighty that please let this be the day I catch something big so that I can let it go. Please allow me moments of pure exhilaration as I fought and conquer some big fish. And if today is not the day, then grant me patience to wait it out and not be envious of what others have caught. Grant me serenity so that I will not curse humankind for polluting life every time I snagged on some crap that others have left behind. 

When Things Go Bad

I have learned that often times things won't go the way you want them to. As hard you pray about it, as much as you may hope for it, there will be days when all the lights will be red and the house of cards will crumple down. It is just the way the world works, moments of highs followed by moments of low and vice versa. Up and down, up and down, and round around. I guess the important thing is when those moments arrive, you just have to take a step back and appreciate the times when things did go well, or were at least normal. 

In the end, we just got to have faith and strive for the best we can. We cannot let ourselves be brought down. We will always feel the pull of gravity as long as we walk upon this earth, but that has never stopped us from reaching with outstretch arms to the stars above. Longingly we gazed upon the moon so much so that we actually end up conquering the heights and landed upon its face.

It is in our nature to let the negatives rule the day, we give too much credit to the things that go wrong. Probably because relatively few brag about success as much as those who bitch about failure. Probably because we want to pay more attention to the negatives so that we may alter our courses to avoid it. Probably because we like to see others suffer so as to feel good about ourselves. Or it is even possible that we want to out suffer someone simply because it seems to give us more character... Whatever the reason, as a species we tend to view the negatives as being more important. We overlook when things were actually positive. We take it for granted when things go our way, we think we deserve it; but that is really not the case.

Sometimes you have to earn the good things. Other times, you have got to just understand that even when you do your darnedest, chances are there are powers beyond you that dictates today may just be the day when you will be screwed. Its nothing personal. Instead, it is a chance to put things in perspective. It may even be an opportunity for growth. 

I am not saying there is a pony in the horse manure that is flung at you, but it is nice to hope that there may be one. If nothing else, you can at least be glad that there is a horse somewhere that defecated the feces you are in, and chances are someone is very lucky to have that horse as a companion. And you can be grateful that while you may personally loathe the smell, color and feel of the crap you are in, it makes a great fertilizer to grow something you may actually eat eventually. 

All I am saying is, shit happens, even to the best of us. When they do, don't let to bring you down. Don't wallow in your sorrow, instead reach up, because who knows, you may just be the seed that needs the nourishment before you can grow and bear fruit.