Children are empaths

 Here's my secret with working with children. It is mostly about energy. It is understanding that children are generally empaths who can sense the energy around them. The goal then is to meet them at theirs, and project the safest energy you can. 

I know you are supposed to do that for every patient regardless of age, but for me it comes easier with kids. There is just something pure about being in that moment. Nothing else matter. What you are going through outside, however you are feeling, that goes out the window when you are in front of a child.

That child is your whole world, and your goal is to synch energies. Project calm and compassion... it doesnt always work, but it is so rewarding when you find that breakthrough. Only when you allow a child to "see" you, then will they let you see them.

Weakness

The past few weeks have seen me encountered setbacks after setbacks on several fronts, the experience of which has left me feeling drained.  I became tired of trying to be strong, realizing that I am actually weak, and hating myself a little bit more for it.  And my heart took me to some pretty dark places.  

And then, I realize, it has never been really about being strong.  It was not about proving I am worthy, or that I am self-sufficient.  What I went through, that was just life being life.  It is not about deserving or not deserving. Life just is. You live it enough there's going to be highs and lows. What matters is you get through, smiling or crying, intact or damaged. More importantly, believe in your soul. Trust that it will thrive like grass seeping through concrete - it will find a way.  

We keep thinking the soul is this fragile thing, that it can be hurt, and maybe it does, but it always grows back.  That is the beauty of it, insofar as you breathe, the soul revives. Our physical being can be hurt, our hearts broken, but the soul is infinite.  That vastness that we feel when we are alone and down, is the very same expanse that reaches out to the universe.  

Sure, the universe can be frightfully silent at times, but there is actually quite a bit of chatter once you learn to listen.  We just have to trust it.  When all fails, remember our souls are strong, and that it is dialled into something much deeper, older, and humbler.  

So, hold your head up high if only to use the elevation to give your head butts more momentum as you bear through.  And trust in your soul. 

Grace is given, you are loved

The message of the gospel is simple - you are loved and that grace is given. Yet what I have come to learn in my personal journey is that accepting love is not easy. Heck, I struggle with it, daily. Despite all that I know and believe, I have often rejected the very love that I aspire to show others. My wretched existence is unworthy, I don't deserve it, and then I self sabotage to prove my point. 

Perhaps many of you may have experienced something similar - a wayward relative who seems to become increasingly isolated, a dear friend suffering from depression with suicidal tendencies, a child who can't be hugged or consoled. The love is there, why can't they see that and embrace it? 

But it is not as simple as that, is it? See, In a world where we are constantly conditioned for one thing or another, the concept of unconventional positive regard is a scary thing. It is hard to believe that we can be loved with such depth. "What is the catch?" we may ask ourselves, "This doesn't feel right. There is no free lunch", and once again, "I am not worth it."

"I am not worth it." That is perhaps the greatest lie whispered by the fallen angels into our ears. In a cosmic battle of the souls, where the fallen fell because they saw how G-d loved us and was upset, the best way to get back at Him is to tell a soul it is not worth it and reject Him forever. Because that's the catch 22 isn't it? G-d gave us free will that we may choose to embrace or deny Him, so the easiest way to get us away is to choose to distance ourselves from salvation, despite how many times He said, "you are worth it."

So what do we do? Well, we keep trying our best to love those around us and hopefully accept the love ourselves. After all, those are the commandments, love your G-d with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your might; and love your neighbours as yourselves. Or as my friend, who once stood by me despite all of my shortcomings and failures said, "It isn't your decision, we are not going away, we love you anyway." That is the power of free will, of grace, and love.

Remember, to be so loved can be overwhelming, like turning on the floodlights after wallowing in a dark room for so long. It will be in our nature to shy away from it. Still, we must try.

To love with such intensity is not easy either as we must be ever mindful that we do not impose any conditions to it, we must not expect anything in return. That can be extremely challenging.

We must be gentle with others and ourselves. It is a delicate dance, like watching a stilt fleeting back and fro with the edges of waves on the beach.

So, I urge each of us who are in the trenches, try to show love, unconditional positive regard, wherever you go. Trust that where human love falls short, His will be sufficient. Trust that we can be a medium of grace and an agent of love on this earth. That is our first and foremost lesson and duty as faithful stewards.

Sunday blues

The lull following good times can be exceptionally sobering. I used to dread them, I still do, but I have come to appreciate the contrast and its implication on just how fortunate I have been and how good of a time I have had. And then I give thanks as opposed to succumbing to the feeling of melancholy as reality crashes back.

It's hard, I am not going to lie, the realist in me is ever aware of just how fleeting good meaningful interactions can be. I try to stockpile as many of them as I can, but the sobering moments in between, they suck. They really do by contrast.  Kind of like sitting in the bleachers in the dark just moments after the lights go out following an exhilarating game. The abrupt silence, the absence of cacophony of sounds can be deafening. Yet, it is all worth it. Remember that.

So it is I hope that each of you who are feeling the Sunday blues, hang on. I hope it meant you have had a great time. Cherish the memories, the laughter, the camaraderie, and bear with the lull. We need the good, the bad, and the dull to grow.

Crepes

 I made crepes this morning. It has been many years since I have done so. The recipe is relatively simple, but the process not quite so; and for someone as out of practice as myself, the challenges felt exponential. When all has been said and done, I have managed to burn my fingers, put out a few little fires where the batter fell on to the stove; the counter covered in flour, and the sink overflowed with utensils. Still, the end product was pleasing. Sure, it won't be winning any awards soon and took repeated attempts to get it right, but it satisfied a craving, and how wonderful it was to have made something from scratch and share it.

Life is messy. And sometimes the little things that bring us joy entail no small amount of hardship and suffering. Things get broken, battered, beaten. You could even get burnt by your handle on things, and find yourself putting out fires here and there. There are probably easier ways with less hassle; but I tell you, if you stick with it, bear the heat, live in the moment, you will be rewarded. It doesn't have to be pretty, but I can tell you the simple things will still just be as sweet and savoury if not more so because you know you have earned it.

Life, it is messy, it is dirty, unpredictable and chaotic. Even if you follow the recipe. But if at the end of the day it means you get to share something nice, then it is worth it.

Trust your friends

 There are moments when I fear I am nothing more than a charlatan, donning a facade to play a charade. A once-promising individual whose prime is gone and now lacklustre; holding fast to fading dreams. A has-been wannabe relegated irrelevant living a pretense.

Harsh is the inner words whispered so softly, poisoning my soul and eroding my resolve.

Then, I look at my friends, the quality of their being, their calibre, their character, and I think to myself, surely they can't all be so misguided to esteem me their friendship. So maybe I am not perfect, but perhaps there is hope for me yet. Maybe I am still worth it. And so I strive. I strive to make myself deserving of the love and patience bestowed upon me. I hope I am doing ok.

I don't think I am always successful, but at least now I know when I am bowed low it is not because of my low self-esteem, but because I am humbled and honoured to have friends such as each of you who believe in me when I would have otherwise lost faith in myself.

So for anyone else who has felt as I do. Who trips and falls, who fears being a disappointment often, may you find comfort in the safe haven of friends and family just as I have through mine. Trust in their judgement when yours is clouded. May our outward angels shout down the inner demons.

Pay it back, pay it forward.