There are moments when I fear I am nothing more than a charlatan, donning a facade to play a charade. A once-promising individual whose prime is gone and now lacklustre; holding fast to fading dreams. A has-been wannabe relegated irrelevant living a pretense.
Harsh is the inner words whispered so softly, poisoning my soul and eroding my resolve.
Then, I look at my friends, the quality of their being, their calibre, their character, and I think to myself, surely they can't all be so misguided to esteem me their friendship. So maybe I am not perfect, but perhaps there is hope for me yet. Maybe I am still worth it. And so I strive. I strive to make myself deserving of the love and patience bestowed upon me. I hope I am doing ok.
I don't think I am always successful, but at least now I know when I am bowed low it is not because of my low self-esteem, but because I am humbled and honoured to have friends such as each of you who believe in me when I would have otherwise lost faith in myself.
So for anyone else who has felt as I do. Who trips and falls, who fears being a disappointment often, may you find comfort in the safe haven of friends and family just as I have through mine. Trust in their judgement when yours is clouded. May our outward angels shout down the inner demons.
Pay it back, pay it forward.
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