They say for me to move on, turn the page, close the door, get on with life. But what if I don’t want to? What if I wish to linger at the door and take it all in- the pain, the sorrow, the suffering? Is it unnecessary grief? Is this something I can live without? Perhaps. Yet, what if this is life itself? What if I moved on and not own this moment, then how can I ever let go?
It is true that I may seem to be returning to the well of pain, but it is pain only because it is coupled with joyous memories, memories that I do not at this point want to be lost should I move on so shallowly. If I must endure pain so that such happiness can be engraved forever in my soul, so be it. I can not explain my actions rationally, nor should I need to. I will not deny that it hurts me, but at least I know I am alive because of it.
I will not move on for this will always be a part of me. I am not stationary in growth because of it. I live with perhaps one less regret because I stood and faced the storm, and though I may be flung about violently, I know I am a better person because I caught a glimpse of that heaven within the eye of the storm.
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