Thursday, February 11, 2010
G-d is electric
I remember asking my teacher "why do we always bow our heads in prayer?" to which she replied, "Because that is where G-d is. G-d is our electrical ground, our fail-safe." For a six year old, that didn't make a whole lot of sense, but as I grow older and learned more about electricity, I began to see the wisdom of her words.
The Sniper
I met a retired Marine Scout Sniper once. He was a colorful character, a man of great testicular fortitude, and a war hero (which he is never shy of reminding me each time we meet). I enjoyed talking with him, partly because there is no end to the hilarity this man inspired in all those around him. And in part because beneath all that jovial exterior, lies an intelligent and observant individual who slips in gems of pure wisdom here and there, provided that you are on the look out for them.
I recall a particular conversation that we shared in which the subject of trust came up. He said that people nowadays do not know the meaning of trust, especially civilians. He continue to tell me how in the Corps, one must entrust one's life to the man next to you. This is especially true for a sniper. While movies tend to depict snipers as lone wolves, the reality is that a sniper relies heavily on his spotter to stay alive. A spotter is someone who goes along with the sniper to wherever he needs to be, and basically helps him pin-point his targets. More importantly, he watches the sniper's back.
You see, the Marine Scout Sniper's code is "One Shot, One Kill." In order for that to be true, each sniper is taught to devote his entire being to each shot. His entire existence, all of his energy is focused on that one bullet; willing it to hit its mark. This leaves him extremely vulnerable as all is his senses are focused on making that one shot, and it is up to the spotter to make sure that they are not outflanked in the process.
The reason I am writing all of this is not to bring up the ethics of the sniper's code (My take on that is unless I have served in the military, and shared in their livelihood, it is never my place to judge. If anything, we are in debt to men and women like my old friend who is willing to sully their hands for the sake of our ideals). What strikes me about that conversation was the utter trust this Marine has for his spotter.
"I could never go in and did what I did, and live to tell the tale if it wasn't for my buddy [spotter]. You have no idea of what it is like to be in the thick of enemy territory, lying prone, waiting to take a shot at a target hundreds and hundreds of yards away; meanwhile being totally clueless as to what is happening around you only a few feet away. My buddy took care of that, and I took care of the target, and that's that."
It is a pretty amazing testimony, and I think it teaches a valuable lesson, not just about the mere trust between humans, but perhaps to the trust between us and a higher being. You see, regardless of what religion you practice, what g-d you pray to, what faith you have; each of us is like my retired sniper friend. We each have been assigned targets that we want to "kill", and in order to do so, we must be able to devote our resources to that end. I can not speak for how faith works, but wouldn't it be nice if we can all focus on what we need to do, trusting that somehow, the powers that be will take of the rest for us?
I mean that is what religion is in essence. The liturgy, the theology, the observance, the adherence; it is that which connects us, grounds us to our immediate surroundings while we focus on our dreams, our goals, our pursuit of happiness. Our faith, our believe that there exists some greater being who will take care of our immediate worries, is what allows us the luxury to focus on life. Without it, we become vulnerable.
I recall a particular conversation that we shared in which the subject of trust came up. He said that people nowadays do not know the meaning of trust, especially civilians. He continue to tell me how in the Corps, one must entrust one's life to the man next to you. This is especially true for a sniper. While movies tend to depict snipers as lone wolves, the reality is that a sniper relies heavily on his spotter to stay alive. A spotter is someone who goes along with the sniper to wherever he needs to be, and basically helps him pin-point his targets. More importantly, he watches the sniper's back.
You see, the Marine Scout Sniper's code is "One Shot, One Kill." In order for that to be true, each sniper is taught to devote his entire being to each shot. His entire existence, all of his energy is focused on that one bullet; willing it to hit its mark. This leaves him extremely vulnerable as all is his senses are focused on making that one shot, and it is up to the spotter to make sure that they are not outflanked in the process.
The reason I am writing all of this is not to bring up the ethics of the sniper's code (My take on that is unless I have served in the military, and shared in their livelihood, it is never my place to judge. If anything, we are in debt to men and women like my old friend who is willing to sully their hands for the sake of our ideals). What strikes me about that conversation was the utter trust this Marine has for his spotter.
"I could never go in and did what I did, and live to tell the tale if it wasn't for my buddy [spotter]. You have no idea of what it is like to be in the thick of enemy territory, lying prone, waiting to take a shot at a target hundreds and hundreds of yards away; meanwhile being totally clueless as to what is happening around you only a few feet away. My buddy took care of that, and I took care of the target, and that's that."
It is a pretty amazing testimony, and I think it teaches a valuable lesson, not just about the mere trust between humans, but perhaps to the trust between us and a higher being. You see, regardless of what religion you practice, what g-d you pray to, what faith you have; each of us is like my retired sniper friend. We each have been assigned targets that we want to "kill", and in order to do so, we must be able to devote our resources to that end. I can not speak for how faith works, but wouldn't it be nice if we can all focus on what we need to do, trusting that somehow, the powers that be will take of the rest for us?
I mean that is what religion is in essence. The liturgy, the theology, the observance, the adherence; it is that which connects us, grounds us to our immediate surroundings while we focus on our dreams, our goals, our pursuit of happiness. Our faith, our believe that there exists some greater being who will take care of our immediate worries, is what allows us the luxury to focus on life. Without it, we become vulnerable.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
On worrying
I worry a lot. I used to blame it on an over-active imagination; but the deeper truth is I do not have enough of it. I lacked the true creativity, that simple willingness to be open to the tiniest window of opportunity, which makes a difference. I pride myself a methodical person- detail oriented, logical and precise. When in actuality I am merely a Scrooge of faith, miser of hope, sycophant to the majority, and slave to statistics. As I mature, I have unwittingly pledged my allegiance to practicality, I offered fealty to common sense. As a result, I reduced myself to the peanut gallery, securing my membership within the hoi polloi. Gone are the days when I delight in the unknown. I no longer see every uncertainty as a doorway to wonderment and enlightenment. If optimism is a strand of DNA, then the telomere of my particular strand has been severely shortened.
Over the years I have come to realize this: pessimism exists because as we grow older, we perceive our options to be limited, or rather the time and ability to search for alternatives is insufficient. Therefore we take comfort in certainty, we abide to the “gold standards”, and we take stock in the benchmark. So much so that when we are affronted with something beyond our realms of experience, we become stumped. We are horrified because our library does not seem to carry anything that specifically addresses the situation we are in. Our repertoire incomplete, and instead of trying to build upon what we know, we become fixated on what we don’t know. This scares us, immobilizes us, and gives more credence to the threat because now our ego comes into question.
We have allowed ourselves to become like rubber. Early in our inception, our plasticity is great. However, as time goes by, repeated use and constant exposure to the elements have weathered us into stiff erasers that no longer wipe away efficiently. We taint our slate with previous mistakes, black smudges all over. Consequently, we cannot start anew. Yet life is about starting anew. It is about being flexible to the ever changing tides, and finding new ways to adapt. It is about writing our stories in sand, and watch as the waves come in and collect it, adding it to the sea of collective narrative. We cannot be frustrated by it; instead we should rejoice that we are given a canvass that contains no end to the possibility on what we can draw upon it. Only when we release ourselves from the confines of physics, can we be free. Our imagination must stretch beyond the beaches and yearn for the horizons where the sky and ocean meet. When confronted with a problem, we are not erasers; our goal is not to remove it. The tides with come soon enough to render it insufficient. Ours is to play in the sand, and marvel at what we can do with it.
Over the years I have come to realize this: pessimism exists because as we grow older, we perceive our options to be limited, or rather the time and ability to search for alternatives is insufficient. Therefore we take comfort in certainty, we abide to the “gold standards”, and we take stock in the benchmark. So much so that when we are affronted with something beyond our realms of experience, we become stumped. We are horrified because our library does not seem to carry anything that specifically addresses the situation we are in. Our repertoire incomplete, and instead of trying to build upon what we know, we become fixated on what we don’t know. This scares us, immobilizes us, and gives more credence to the threat because now our ego comes into question.
We have allowed ourselves to become like rubber. Early in our inception, our plasticity is great. However, as time goes by, repeated use and constant exposure to the elements have weathered us into stiff erasers that no longer wipe away efficiently. We taint our slate with previous mistakes, black smudges all over. Consequently, we cannot start anew. Yet life is about starting anew. It is about being flexible to the ever changing tides, and finding new ways to adapt. It is about writing our stories in sand, and watch as the waves come in and collect it, adding it to the sea of collective narrative. We cannot be frustrated by it; instead we should rejoice that we are given a canvass that contains no end to the possibility on what we can draw upon it. Only when we release ourselves from the confines of physics, can we be free. Our imagination must stretch beyond the beaches and yearn for the horizons where the sky and ocean meet. When confronted with a problem, we are not erasers; our goal is not to remove it. The tides with come soon enough to render it insufficient. Ours is to play in the sand, and marvel at what we can do with it.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Random Ramblong on Relationships (Draft)
Existence can be a lonesome ordeal. Each of us independently circling the periphery; searching for that singular moment of recognition; hoping for a sign of validation from another individual to justify our mere existence. It is because of this that we fall prey to flattery and false idolatry. It is because of this many relationships do not work out. Simply because instead of searching for those who complement us, we are fooled into thinking that we need someone who compliments us. Somewhere along the way, we deem ourselves incomplete until we have gained approval of those whom we humbly offered our life’s work and ourselves to their judgment.
Yet, consider how easy it is for a critic to critique. Recall how easy it is for us to raise our expectations of others and for them to therefore fall short. Then you will come to realize the dreaded disappointment that awaits us should we choose to enter a relationship with that need in mind. No, my dear friends do not enter a relationship in hopes of external validation. Trust, that before you become one with another, you can be whole in yourself. Know that you can be your own entity with lots to offer and a burning desire to share. Otherwise, you will only enslave yourself, sell yourself short, and settle for something less than the truth.
Yet, consider how easy it is for a critic to critique. Recall how easy it is for us to raise our expectations of others and for them to therefore fall short. Then you will come to realize the dreaded disappointment that awaits us should we choose to enter a relationship with that need in mind. No, my dear friends do not enter a relationship in hopes of external validation. Trust, that before you become one with another, you can be whole in yourself. Know that you can be your own entity with lots to offer and a burning desire to share. Otherwise, you will only enslave yourself, sell yourself short, and settle for something less than the truth.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Stress
Remember that guy/ girl you have crushed on at some point in your life? You may have met him/ her at a bar, in the hallway between classes, across the aisle at a grocery store, or even in the next cart on a train. You remember him/ her? Do you recall the flight of fantasies you have about him/ her? More importantly, do you remember that sudden blossom of shyness, that well of insecurity that prevented you from ever making a move to actualize those fantasies. Do you know why you didn't? Let me give you a hint: it's because you have idealized him/ her so much that you don't see that person as simply another individual. Instead you have this romanticized version of him/ her; raising them upon a pedestal so high that you dare not scale, for fear that you are beneath them. Or, even worst, discovering your dream is a mirage, and the disappointment devastating to your quiescent soul. I want you to dwell on that sensation for a moment... because that is exactly the same phenomenon that makes stress so poignant.
How the heck did I go from dating to stress? Well, think about it: the things which triggers our stress, like the target of our crushes, are usually things we care about (whether or not they care about us or not in actuality). We project our hopes, our dreams unto them; meanwhile praying for recognition. Whether we realize it or not, when we look upon that person, or that exam we want to get an A on, there is inherently a desire for us to succeed. In the case of a crush, you want to impress them, coming across suave and awesome, subsequently winning their attraction. In the case of an exam, you want to ace it. Both outcome really is geared towards feeling good about yourself.
As part of that process we tend to overshoot on our regards so that in our mind it will be worth the effort. It is a defense mechanism of ours to over-project, otherwise it would all seem silly- to approach someone randomly, to take a class and study. Sort of like the guy who threw in 100 bucks into the toilet after he dropped a quarter in there, so that it would be worth his while to fish out both.
Simple enough, right? Make that person look great in our heads, dream that we will pass the exam with flying colors. Envision success, and then go for it. Yet, somewhere along the way, we over did it, and stop ourselves short. We make the object so damn good, so much so that in contrast we feel like crap... and eventually gave up.
What I am getting at is this: stress is good. We stress because we care. That being said, we must be realistic about it. Don't let it become fear that builds upon itself. Don't allow it to take on a life of its own, succoring itself upon our insecurities so that instead of using it as a motivator, we allow it to become our greatest obstacle. Go for it, ask the guy/ girl out. Study your heart out. I am willing to bet whatever notion you have in your imagination is no match for the real deal, so why not just go for it, and leave fear behind where it belongs: in the gutter with its throat slit by the garrote of decisive action.
That being said, back to studying I go.
How the heck did I go from dating to stress? Well, think about it: the things which triggers our stress, like the target of our crushes, are usually things we care about (whether or not they care about us or not in actuality). We project our hopes, our dreams unto them; meanwhile praying for recognition. Whether we realize it or not, when we look upon that person, or that exam we want to get an A on, there is inherently a desire for us to succeed. In the case of a crush, you want to impress them, coming across suave and awesome, subsequently winning their attraction. In the case of an exam, you want to ace it. Both outcome really is geared towards feeling good about yourself.
As part of that process we tend to overshoot on our regards so that in our mind it will be worth the effort. It is a defense mechanism of ours to over-project, otherwise it would all seem silly- to approach someone randomly, to take a class and study. Sort of like the guy who threw in 100 bucks into the toilet after he dropped a quarter in there, so that it would be worth his while to fish out both.
Simple enough, right? Make that person look great in our heads, dream that we will pass the exam with flying colors. Envision success, and then go for it. Yet, somewhere along the way, we over did it, and stop ourselves short. We make the object so damn good, so much so that in contrast we feel like crap... and eventually gave up.
What I am getting at is this: stress is good. We stress because we care. That being said, we must be realistic about it. Don't let it become fear that builds upon itself. Don't allow it to take on a life of its own, succoring itself upon our insecurities so that instead of using it as a motivator, we allow it to become our greatest obstacle. Go for it, ask the guy/ girl out. Study your heart out. I am willing to bet whatever notion you have in your imagination is no match for the real deal, so why not just go for it, and leave fear behind where it belongs: in the gutter with its throat slit by the garrote of decisive action.
That being said, back to studying I go.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Disoriented Oriental
Here is how I do it: Every morning, I get up. I put on my intensely geeky Asian make-up. I put on my thick dorky glasses. I look at the mirror, smile, and say to myself, "It'ssssss SHHHHHHOWTIME!!!" Then I get here, acting all happy and nerdy as if I am in heaven and learning is great. And I am so believable, that you will fall for it, and think to yourself, "wow, there goes another stereotypical Asian, the outlier, the guy who is going to pull up the curve." Meanwhile, the reality is I am just a really dumb kid who works extra hard hoping to dear G-d that he will not mix up his r's and his l's. Because you know what, I am so messed up that I even have to work hard at being Asian. So there, be jealous all you want, but I am telling you, I am just like you, I am not any smarter, I just know how to appear so.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Audiology Humor
Pick-Up Lines
- Want to come over and study forced oscillation and resonance factor?
- Trust me, I am a doctor.
- I bet no one can put you in a supine position faster and better than I.
- Want to learn the log roll?
- Two words: Fixation denied
- Ask me about down ten up five
- I know the Sabine's Reverberation Equation. Want to come and test it out in my boudoir?
- I am good at using Log to find Intensity.
- We do it periodically with frequency and great amplitude.
- You give me a stiff lesion with your mass.
- Three words: Simple Harmonic Motion
- Between you and me, we can make Longitudinal waves and Transverse waves
- I need your help to study the mass and elasticity of my bed.
- Let's measure how loud and how far your voice can propagate via simple means of compression and rarefaction.
- May I measure our immittance?
- Bone oscillation. Need I say more?
- Audiology. We bring the "Oooo?!" in Otolaryngology
- Did you know that a stiff lesion can result in a shift in natural frequency of a system towards the higher pitches? Don't believe me? Allow me to demonstrate.
- Allow me to find your natural frequency
- You, me, rotary chair, dark room... get the picture?
- Ask me about up-beating, down-beating nystagmus.
- Swallow, it's part of the test.
- Audiologists do it with frequency and intensity (E. Breitling)
- Audiologists stimulate aurally (e. Breitling)
- Does the word tinnitus ring a bell?
Audiology Humor
- Audiology is like sex. What more need I say? We audiology students like it up (5) and down (10), while supine, with vision denied. We stimulate aurally with intensity and frequency. We manage your stiff lesions, and we make deep impressions. We do it deep, we do it slow, and we make sure we plug/fill up the hole.
- How are some nystagmus like boyfriends? Well, there is the typical jerk, and then you have your rebound types. How are nystagmus like camp counsellors? They can be upbeat and spontaneous.
- As I gazed deeply into her ears, I saw light, and I am reminded of just how open-minded a person she is. She was very compliant, with good reflexes. No aural fullness to boast of. She spoke audibly and clearly; not annoying like tinnitus. She responded well to the sound of my voice; there and then I knew I have found the one. She trusts me, she listens intently. What more can I ask? I shall make her world spin.
- Audiologist: like bank tellers, we check your balance.
- Audiologists: like Flo Rida (or Dead or Alive for us old folks)...we spin you "Right Round".(Amy Goodwine)
- Studying for my vestibular test has given me the following:
- Blurred vision from reading all my notes
- Lightheadedness from being indoors all day
- Vertigo from being spun around by copious facts
- Hearing loss from the loud music that I need to put in my ears to keep me pumped
- Tinnitus when the music is gone
- Aural fullness from the ear plugs
- These symptoms are highly consistent with a diagnosis of Man Ears’ Disease
- Audiology, we don't care for feedback
- I keep hearing things in my head... I suppose that just means I have a sound mind.
- I imagine there shall come a day when one of my vestibular patients will befriend me on facebook, and her relationship status would read "It's compensated".
- If you look at it closely enough, the TM resembles a condom.
- Audiology: Where ""let's take you out for a spin" means being strapped into a chair and spun in a dark chamber rather than a joyride on the freeway with the wind blowing in your face.
- is studying implants, can you guess which kind? Here are some clues: it is partially made of silicone, can be very magnetic, and extremely stimulating.
- Poor patient, he was so dizzy from his vertigo that he didn't know where to go. Luckily I was around to take him out for a spin.
- Someday I will find the cure to tinnitus (that ringing noise you hear in your ears) and win the "No Bell" prize.
- We don't care for feedback
- Although it may not be original, we love our SIN nonetheless
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