Micah 6:8

Years ago I walked into a church while on one of my meanderings. What would you know the choir was practising, and the anthem stuck with me. The words were simple, taken from Micah 6:8, " do justly, love mercy, walk humbly with your G-d." It stuck with me. It was simple, a distillation of the faith that I have tried to pursue all these years. Yet, it can be elusive too.

What is just and what is mercy seems to be a moving target. What one deems just, another may think unmerciful, and vice versa. An example of this would be watching two young siblings arguing with their parents over a decision. Sibling A screaming it is not fair, sibling B petitioning for the said decision not to be revoked. 

I know in my own life, I struggle constantly between speaking my mind and obeying my heart. That seems to be where just and mercy seems to reside respectively, doesn't it? The logic that weighs [coldly] the merits and demerits, versus the compassion that searches for redeeming qualities. It divides the soul, it divides a parish, it divides a nation if not nations. 

So many of our societal issues come down to a disagreement on what is just versus what is merciful - immigration, abortion, welfare for the mass. It can be polarizing, we fixate upon it, and the argument takes life on its own. 

Yet, despite all that strife, the reality is just and mercy reside in one body, the heart and mind cannot function without the other. More importantly, the constant communication between the two is what constitutes the most important aspect of being - our souls. 

Grace, salvation, redemption, atonement, none of these have meaning if we have no soul. And the soul cannot exist if just and mercy do not complement each other nicely. Therein is the key, how do we reconcile the two? I think the first thing we must do is acknowledge that they are not polar opposites, but partners. That one cannot exist without the other. 

Do justly, love mercy. Notice that they are action items. There is an agency to them, and we are the agents. We have been charged to do both. But perhaps what can reconcile the conflict we often feel when deciding between the two is the last part of that phrase, " walk humbly with your G-d". Walk humbly. Humbleness, humility. That is the tiebreaker.

See, too often, when we deliver justice, when we shell out love, there is a certain ego that comes with it. The power of agency, to have that ability or responsibility, comes with the understanding that "I" can, "I" am benevolent and wise, "I" can withhold love. That "I", it can be very obstructive when "I" can't stand down, when "my" view takes precedence. Suddenly, it is no longer about just and mercy, but about you versus me. The rules of self-preservation kick in, it-is-me-against-them mentality takes a firm grip and reshapes our realities, to the point that we no longer share realities. 

So, how do we break that vicious cycle, how do we get past all of it? By being humble, by taking "me" out of the equation, and surrender to a greater power, a greater cause, and a greater consciousness. It is not about me, it is not about you. This is what is asked of us. "Love mercy, do justly, walk humbly with your G-d". It is an ongoing action item, it is how we ought to navigate and negotiate much of the conflicts in our lives. Three things we should do constantly, and by G-d, I hope we can all learn to walk and chew gum at the same time.

On Borrowed Time

We live on borrowed time. Each and every one of us. We borrowed constantly from a perceived future of health and wealth. We take risks, we choose to eat a bit unhealthy, play a bit harder, work a little harder, skip a meal here and there, sleep a little less, skip exercise, dove into our own world and forgetting others all the meantime thinking to ourselves, "oh well, there will be time later to catch up, rest up, heal up." 

The problem is that we never quite know how much of the future we can borrow against. It is a dangerous game then, taking out a huge loan, especially if along the way we don't develop the habit to save up. Save up on energy, save up on health, save up on wealth, save up on memories with people closest to you. 

It becomes a gamble, and trust me, there are some IOUs that you don't want to regret having, especially if it is a bit of quality time with loved ones. There are debts we simply can't afford. 

So it is that I ask of you in this Christmas season, when the urge to borrow and spend is great, be mindful of what you spend on and invest. Spend a bit more time with people you care about, and who cares for you deeply. Don't expect that they will always be there. Invest on cultivating love, don't assume it will remain patient and present. Say the words that people need to hear, do the things that will make a difference however small. Invest a bit more in taking care of yourself that you don't take too much of your future from yourself or deprive others of you by wasting it all today some way or the other. Do it right so you don't need to take a new lease on life, for the loan office of life is fickle.

Bewilder

If I were to characterize American politics in 2017 with an emotion, it would be one of bewilderment.  The experience is akin to watching someone you love, a favourite grand uncle perhaps, succumbing to dementia and giving into paranoia.  The once benevolent figure with a sweet countenance has now become a mad individual.

Normally we would find help, or commit them to a place that can accord the necessary care. Yet, due to limited healthcare and insurance, and lack of support from other accountable figures (e.g. uncles and aunts) in the family, this "grand uncle" now lives with us, a middle-income family with little means. And every morning we find him standing on the front lawn in a nightshirt, underpants and combat boots, waving an automatic rifle,  spewing forth vitriol, demanding for a higher fence because he suspects our neighbours may be stealing our newspaper and milk.

Our neighbours shake their heads, the cops have been called, but to no avail.  To add injury to the wound, this rich grand uncle has sworn to leave us out of the will; instead, leaving all his inheritance to some rich cousins, business partners, and golfing buddies who have yet to lift a finger to help. He has multiple estates, but we are never allowed to set foot on them.  

Day in and day out, it has now become the norm. We live with this stress, not knowing quite what to expect, but realizing it will be embarrassing nonetheless.  The backyard is littered with cigarette butts, the once pristine walls of the house riddled with the chicken scratch of a man-child.  The market value of the house continues to deteriorate, and it feels as if nothing can be done to repair it. We are now the laughingstock of the town.  I am bewildered.

Light in dark times

Darkness has always existed. Often times it feels overwhelming, threatening to encompass everything.

Yet the curious thing about light is that it doesn't take much for it to shine, and the darker it gets the brighter the light becomes. Think about it, when we are lost and the night is at its darkest, that's when we can see the stars light years away shining at their brightest.

Sure, sometimes a light may flickered and be snuffed out, but given the right tools we can always light it back up. Likewise, we must not stop because evil in its various forms has reared its ugly head. Instead we must bring out our lights so that people will see from afar that the lights still glow in the windows of this house on a shining hill.

Thoughts on thoughts and prayers

Thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers. It seems like we have been sending quite a few of those lately. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Thoughts and prayers are much needed and appreciated, especially in these times of trouble and sorrow. It is good mental exercise when done right. It requires of us to take a step back, to reflect, and perhaps recalibrate where needed. Yet, when all has been said and done, we ought to have more done than said.

Look, thinking and praying aren't meant to be easy. It entails much deliberation. We pray because we acknowledge right then and there we need a bit more guidance, that we surrender ourselves to a higher power. We may not have the right words, we may not know what to do, but we ask humbly that we may know of them.

A thought and prayer loses meaning when at the end of it you have not been able to identify at least one thing you could put into action. A prayer is not meant to relieve you of your burden or responsibility. When you say amen, you are not saying goodbye, end of discussion, it is out of my hands and therefore my conscience.  Instead, you are indicating agreement to an action plan of sorts, "so be it and lets make it so."

In light of all that has occur, beyond sending thoughts and prayers, we ought to examine how to actualize said thoughts and prayers. What is the course of action from having taken a step back and welcoming G-d's input. Too often we pray hard for an answer from G-d when the answer has always and simply been, "You, with my help."

So, beyond sending your thoughts and prayers, beyond asking what would Jesus do, ask, "what will you have me to do?"

Amen.

DACA

I have lived a significant part of my life ever conscious of the fact I am a foreigner in a strange land. As a Chinese growing up in a mostly "white" Canada, to being a "banana" in the midst of growing Chinese influence, and now being a Chinese Canadian in the US. Always navigating conflicting cultures and impulses. Always trying to blend in while being different.

What has made it bearable all these years is the wonderful support and love I have received from the immediate "village" I have found myself in. I have made fast friends, and I have brothers and sisters despite being born an only child. I have uncle's, aunts, mentors, and "parents" when my own were far way. I am forever grateful for that, and would like to pay it back and pay it forward someday. I hope I am doing a decent job at that. I am humbled, and I know I am loved, and it sustains me.

Yet the fact remains I am ever aware of the ephemeral nature of it all. That at any moment I may be deported and suddenly find myself homeless amongst the lands I have lived. So, tonight my heart is heavy for those affected by the administration's decision to rescind DACA. I can imagine what it like when all that you know, all that you have come to identify with, grow accustomed to is threatened to be taken away. 

What makes us Americans? What makes us Canadians? What makes us Chinese, Mexican, Argentinian etc? Is it a legal status, a passport? Do we need to truly carry a unique flag and wave it often; plant it on a soil and claim it? 

Or is it a shared reality, being willing to commit to a common cause, to one another through service, through learning to adapt, through opening our arms and embracing one another. I am a Canadian, a Chinese, and someone who has just spent the past 16 years learning to be an American. If I am this conflicted, how much more for a Dreamer? 

A part of me says don't write this, they are going to look at my social media during my application for citizenship, and they will see this and perhaps deny me. Yet, how can I remain silent when all that I have learned by being in America these past years is to speak up. Speak up for the underdog, for those without a voice. To make sure our neighbors are taken care of, when the poorest amongst us are provided for. How can I be silent when my instinct tells me I need to stand with my brothers and sisters regardless of their colour, creed, and orientation? 

If America has taught me anything it is that the USA values the gift of making others feel accepted, letting them know they belong. It is one of its greatest gift to the world, to say "all men are born equal" is to say we accept you as you are, you belong. 

As that famous poem goes, if I don't stand up now, who is left to stand for me when the time comes? We are all dreamers, here to pursue the American dream, and here I stand.

Solitude

It is hard to explain the tranquility of doing things alone.  To go wander about on a whim, to sit in the corner of a nice restaurant enjoying a good meal, to ponder without interruption. Ah, the liberty to be without question.

Sure, I enjoy company from time to time, I love to make others smile, to be there when they are in need of me.  I know the value of friendship, I relish the anticipation of sharing an experience with others, to sit by a bonfire and listen to stories. That's why I strive to pay extra attention and show appreciation for the little things in life, so that I may share them with others along the way.

Equally, I enjoy a cup of hot tea brewed to my liking, to be mercurial without fear of hurting others, to be quirky without being made to feel awkward.

I suppose society frowns upon the singular individual just as the wait staff worried about the fare for one person at a table for two.  I suppose people do worry for the lone individual, quietly tucked away.  I assure you, It is quite alright, I am alright.

I may not be euphoric, but I am happy. I know how to keep myself entertained just as I am confident in my ability to make you chuckle. I am an umbrella, I will be there when the time is right, be it sun or rain. I am a training bra, not fancy but supportive.  There is tranquility on my own. I am quite comfortable, so don't you fret.