I have always taken great pleasure in reading the story of Jacob wrestling with G-d (Genesis 32:22-32, Hosea 12:4). The notion that we can wrestle with our faith, to quarrel with G-d seems far fetch, and yet I do take solace in knowing that is a perfectly viable option. What is more, the audacity in Jacob's request that he will not concede [even after his hip joint has been dislocated] until he has been blessed, inspires me.
There is a lot of talk of surrendering to G-d. There is this notion that we must placate His will. I am not against that, but I do feel that it is perhaps healthy, and sometimes necessary to question and to wrestle with Him as well, and to fight HIm for His blessing.
When you do find yourself wrestling with faith and with your beliefs, as we will often do, don't fret. Don't feel guilty, don't let fear or anger control you, but fight hard with the desire of receiving His blessing.
I don't believe He ever wanted us to blindly trust. I would like to think that He wants us to grapple with uncertainty, confusion, and the unknown. He who can not be named [and I don't mean Vordemort], is simply those things, He is totally other (totaliter aliter), and we will never truly come to grasp with it. Yet, the fact He has allowed one man to pin Him down for a blessing, that should give us hope in knowing we may have the ability to prove ourselves worthy somehow.
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