To be confused about a relationship is natural... it forms the basis of mutual exploration, the need to communicate... Part of being in a deep, open and meaningful relationship is both parties being able to feel comfortable and encouraged to mutually prod, expose and explain themselves constantly. Ultimately, you want to be wholesomely vulnerable to that one person, and he/she in kind to you... in the process, you become fully aware of who you are. But that is the theoretical aspect of it... the way to getting there is fraught with a myriad of problems. Notice how I said confusion forms the basis of mutual exploration... but that requires both parties... if either party shuts off, then confusion forms the basis of doubt and worries because they never got to be aired, addressed and discarded.
There are concrete battles to fight in every relationship... but often times convention has us looking towards the cosmetic ones. We are jaded by culture to believe there is a way relationship should be. There maybe an ideal, but the reality is often far from it... or at least it starts off ways off from where it is supposed to end up looking like.
Society, pop cultures etc has given us a lot of examples of what a relationship should "look like"...it is crucial that we do not buy into all that fluffy romance crap. If we romanticize the situation without a firm foundation, then our struggles become about epic philosophical and emotional considerations worthy of Shakespeare or novelists, but lose the focus of real life and in particular--our life
Strong permanent relationships are built on reality, not on romanticized versions of what a relationship should be. Look at what the relationship is separate from the "should be" or imagined struggles. I believe the struggle has taken on its own strength and that is what is driving the relationship rather than the relationship itself being the center.
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