I have discovered that one of the disappointments in life comes from expecting that people will change because of some action on my part. The disappointment, I can live with; after all, it is simply a matter of readjusting my expectations. Yet, I must admit, the very act of "lowering" my expectations disappoints me tremendously. It feels like an act of surrender, and with each surrender, a part of me dies. I regress as a person, I become cynical. My life slowly morphing into a novel from which film noir draws its inspiration.
I know I am being dramatic, after all, I am still a pretty decent guy ( I think). However, if this keep going the way it is now, I am going to become a wisp of the man that I once was growing up to be. Soon, women will find me attractive not because I am nice, but because I am damaged goods. They see a project, a wounded soul behind gaunt eyes that could perhaps be revived. Ah, what a foolish notion that would be, for I am a lost cause, and I will only convert them, creating more cynics, perpetuating the cycle.
No, I must put a stop to this. But how? How does one continue to have faith in humanity? How does one refrain from falling into the fallacies set for altruists? How?
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