Stress

Remember that guy/ girl you have crushed on at some point in your life? You may have met him/ her at a bar, in the hallway between classes, across the aisle at a grocery store, or even in the next cart on a train. You remember him/ her? Do you recall the flight of fantasies you have about him/ her? More importantly, do you remember that sudden blossom of shyness, that well of insecurity that prevented you from ever making a move to actualize those fantasies. Do you know why you didn't? Let me give you a hint: it's because you have idealized him/ her so much that you don't see that person as simply another individual. Instead you have this romanticized version of him/ her; raising them upon a pedestal so high that you dare not scale, for fear that you are beneath them. Or, even worst, discovering your dream is a mirage, and the disappointment devastating to your quiescent soul. I want you to dwell on that sensation for a moment... because that is exactly the same phenomenon that makes stress so poignant.

How the heck did I go from dating to stress? Well, think about it: the things which triggers our stress, like the target of our crushes, are usually things we care about (whether or not they care about us or not in actuality). We project our hopes, our dreams unto them; meanwhile praying for recognition. Whether we realize it or not, when we look upon that person, or that exam we want to get an A on, there is inherently a desire for us to succeed. In the case of a crush, you want to impress them, coming across suave and awesome, subsequently winning their attraction. In the case of an exam, you want to ace it. Both outcome really is geared towards feeling good about yourself.

As part of that process we tend to overshoot on our regards so that in our mind it will be worth the effort. It is a defense mechanism of ours to over-project, otherwise it would all seem silly- to approach someone randomly, to take a class and study. Sort of like the guy who threw in 100 bucks into the toilet after he dropped a quarter in there, so that it would be worth his while to fish out both.

Simple enough, right? Make that person look great in our heads, dream that we will pass the exam with flying colors. Envision success, and then go for it. Yet, somewhere along the way, we over did it, and stop ourselves short. We make the object so damn good, so much so that in contrast we feel like crap... and eventually gave up.

What I am getting at is this: stress is good. We stress because we care. That being said, we must be realistic about it. Don't let it become fear that builds upon itself. Don't allow it to take on a life of its own, succoring itself upon our insecurities so that instead of using it as a motivator, we allow it to become our greatest obstacle. Go for it, ask the guy/ girl out. Study your heart out. I am willing to bet whatever notion you have in your imagination is no match for the real deal, so why not just go for it, and leave fear behind where it belongs: in the gutter with its throat slit by the garrote of decisive action.

That being said, back to studying I go.

Disoriented Oriental

Here is how I do it: Every morning, I get up. I put on my intensely geeky Asian make-up. I put on my thick dorky glasses. I look at the mirror, smile, and say to myself, "It'ssssss SHHHHHHOWTIME!!!" Then I get here, acting all happy and nerdy as if I am in heaven and learning is great. And I am so believable, that you will fall for it, and think to yourself, "wow, there goes another stereotypical Asian, the outlier, the guy who is going to pull up the curve." Meanwhile, the reality is I am just a really dumb kid who works extra hard hoping to dear G-d that he will not mix up his r's and his l's. Because you know what, I am so messed up that I even have to work hard at being Asian. So there, be jealous all you want, but I am telling you, I am just like you, I am not any smarter, I just know how to appear so.

Audiology Humor

Pick-Up Lines

1. Want to come over and study forced oscillation and resonance factor?
2. Trust me, I am a doctor.
3. I bet no one can put you in a supine position faster and better than I.
4. Want to learn the log roll?
5. Two words: Fixation denied
6. Ask me about down ten up five
7. I know the Sabine's Reverberation Equation. Want to come and test it out in my boudoir?
8. I am good at using Log to find Intensity.
9. We do it periodically with frequency and great amplitude.
10. You give me a stiff lesion with your mass.
11. Three words: Simple Harmonic Motion
12. Between you and me, we can make Longitudinal waves and Transverse waves
13. I need your help to study the mass and elasticity of my bed.
14. Let's measure how loud and how far your voice can propagate via simple means of compression and rarefaction.
15. May I measure our immittance?
16. Bone oscillation. Need I say more?
17. Audiology. We bring the "Oooo?!" in Otolaryngology
18. Did you know that a stiff lesion can result in a shift in natural frequency of a system towards the higher pitches? Don't believe me? Allow me to demonstrate.
19. Allow me to find your natural frequency
20. You, me, rotary chair, dark room... get the picture?
21. Ask me about up-beating, down-beating nystagmus.
22. Swallow, it's part of the test.
23. Audiologists do it with frequency and intensity (E. Breitling)
24. Audiologists stimulate aurally (e. Breitling)
25. Does the word tinnitus ring a bell?

Audiology Humor

1. Audiology is like sex. What more need I say? We audiology students like it up (5) and down (10), while supine, with vision denied. We stimulate aurally with intensity and frequency. We manage your stiff lesions, and we make deep impressions. We do it deep, we do it slow, and we make sure we plug/fill up the hole.
2. How are some nystagmus like boyfriends? Well, there is the typical jerk, and then you have your rebound types. How are nystagmus like camp counsellors? They can be upbeat and spontaneous.
3. As I gazed deeply into her ears, I saw light, and I am reminded of just how open-minded a person she is. She was very compliant, with good reflexes. No aural fullness to boast of. She spoke audibly and clearly; not annoying like tinnitus. She responded well to the sound of my voice; there and then I knew I have found the one. She trusts me, she listens intently. What more can I ask? I shall make her world spin.
4. Audiologist: like bank tellers, we check your balance.
5. Audiologists: like Flo Rida (or Dead or Alive for us old folks)...we spin you "Right Round".(Amy Goodwine)
6. Studying for my vestibular test has given me the following:

• Blurred vision from reading all my notes
• Lightheadedness from being indoors all day
• Vertigo from being spun around by copious facts
• Hearing loss from the loud music that I need to put in my ears to keep me pumped
• Tinnitus when the music is gone
• Aural fullness from the ear plugs
• These symptoms are highly consistent with a diagnosis of Man Ears’ Disease

7. Audiology, we don't care for feedback
8. I keep hearing things in my head... I suppose that just means I have a sound mind.
9. I imagine there shall come a day when one of my vestibular patients will befriend me on facebook, and her relationship status would read "It's compensated".
10. If you look at it closely enough, the TM resembles a condom.
11. Audiology: Where ""let's take you out for a spin" means being strapped into a chair and spun in a dark chamber rather than a joyride on the freeway with the wind blowing in your face.
12. is studying implants, can you guess which kind? Here are some clues: it is partially made of silicone, can be very magnetic, and extremely stimulating.
13. Poor patient, he was so dizzy from his vertigo that he didn't know where to go.  Luckily I was around to take him out for a spin.
14. Someday I will find the cure to tinnitus (that ringing noise you hear in your ears) and win the "No Bell" prize.
15. We don't care for feedback
16. Although it may not be original, we love our SIN nonetheless