I had a teacher in elementary school who taught me a lesson on letting go. One fine day she had us wrote on a piece of paper all the things that made us angry, sad and uncomfortable. When we were done, she led us out into the school yard where a hole was already dug, and had us crumpled that piece of paper and throw it in. Then she went ahead and buried the hole again... miraculously we all felt good that day.
That paper symbolizes all the things that were at the time making us feeling negative, and somehow in our naive minds, the "out of sight out of mind" mentality really helped us. I often thought back to that day, and wished that issues today would be so easily resolved as it was that day. But I guess that is not the case, as we grow up, we realized that trouble don't go away simply because we close our eyes or hid under our blankets. As we grow older, the monsters that used to linger beneath our beds and closets may have disappeared, but the demons that grew in our hearts would grow strong and challenge the angels that reside in us.
Often times in life we will encounter things that will make us unhappy, anxious, angry, and worry. Chances are these oppressing things are very real to us, and as we stand there looking at it, we will most likely be overwhelmed by the seemingly insurmountable nature of it. It would be nice if we could just write it all down on a piece of paper, crumpled it and throw it away and be done with it. But that is not the case... or can it?
Analyzing the magic that occur that day, I realized that while our childlike innocence contributed to a whole lot of the success of my teacher's lesson; part of what made the whole thing worked was we visualized and actualized what it was that bothered us. When you step back and look at things that truly bothers us, as bad as they may look on the outset, they are nothing compared to what appears in our mindsets after we have processed it, churned it over a bit more and associate unnecessary emotions and fears to it. Often times, besides the actual thing that bothers us, it is the intangible uncertainty that we associate with which makes things more negative than they really are. So the first step to help us deal with problems is perhaps simply to write it all down. That way we boiled things down to the nitty-gritty. We actualize and visualize the components as opposed to letting them remain elusive and intangible in our minds.
After that, we visualize the solution. It may not as simple as the proverbial hole, often we can't just buried our problems and hope they will not erupt again. We will have to face them. However, it really helps if we can in some way imagine an endpoint. It is amazing how visualizing the scenarios helps us follow through with solving the actual issue. Sports psychologists have done extensive research on the effectiveness of visualizing success. They have found that when athletes take the time to meditate and visualize their routines, chances are they will fare better than those who jumps into it. To better demonstrate this point, I would like to tell you two anecdotes.
There was once an army officer who loved to golf; yet, despite spending numerous hours at the country club playing, for the most part he remained a mediocre golfer. Then war came along, and this officer was captured as a prisoner of war. During his imprisonment, to keep himself sane, he visualized himself playing on the golf course that he so loved everyday. He would imagine each and every shot that he takes, sensing the way his body would response prior and after a hit. After a long imprisonment, he was freed, and he went back to play at the country club again. Despite years of absence of actually playing the game, this officer went on to played one of the best games that day. Somehow, the years spent imagining the way he played the game actually helped him improved more than just building in the muscle memory.
Another anecdote involves a dear friend of mine who is a basketball fanatic. My friend is an excellent shooter, he has one of the highest score percentages at my school. While the team as a whole practices a lot on shooting, somehow when it comes to clutching the game winner, the responsibility fell to my friend. I remember asking him one day how he does it, how is it possible that he has such a feel of the ball when everyone else practices as hard as he does. His answer was that before each game, all he would do is sit there and pretend to hear the swooshing sound the net makes when he scores a bucket. So intense on hearing that sound, that when he actually touches the ball he can hear the net in his head, and somehow the shot would go in.
I am not saying that our problems would go away if we think it away. That would be nice. I am convinced however, that once we clasp the essentials of what is truly bothering us and proceed to visualize a solution based solely on the innate elements, then we will discover that it may not be as bad as we think... it could still be bad, but perhaps not ugly.
Finally, we have to learn to view these problems with child-like simplicity. Freud proposed the paradigm of id, ego and superego as means to explain our psyche. I don't know for sure how accurate he was, but I do want to believe that within each of us is a child, a pessimistic adult and a wise elder. These three "voices" plays a huge role in helping us face our daily troubles. The "pessimistic adult" is the voice of the society. It is often the consummate of years of social upbringing, intaking all the boundaries, the limits that society has set for us as "norms" to adhere to. As a result, this voice is perhaps the most restricting of the three. It is the voice that speaks from conventional wisdom and social convenience. It tells us what is perhaps expected of us by society, tradition and custom.
Then, there is the voice of the wise elder. This voice is often softer in the background, somewhat soothing, and speaks from experience. It is more often the encouraging voice that offers a balanced advice. It tells you to avoid high hopes, and keep away from despair. It draws upon hidden wisdom that is often overshadowed by conventional ones. It is soothing, reassuring and comforting.
Lastly, there is the child. This is the ideal that resides in us. It is perhaps the most untainted, and have the most "spirit". You probably hear it from time to time egging you on try new things, and do something spontaneous. This is the voice that perhaps carry the most emotions, and hopefully it is one that smiles the most often. There is a simple passion in this voice, nothing is too complicated, and nothing is too dull. This is the voice that never ceased to believe, to explore, to wonder and to be awed.
I always visualized the relationship of these three voices as a grandchild who runs to the grandma for comfort after being scolded by the parent for trying new things. If you listen carefully enough, you will hear these three voices talking to you whenever you are faced with a problem. They all have their valid points, but should you ever really need to choose, I urged you sincerely to give more weight to the wise elder, and most importantly the child. The child may push you to be selfish and even do something foolish, but it is the one that will make you feel alive. The wise elder will then sustain you should you bash your head and need a bandage. The pessimistic adult... well, all it is really good at besides being a giant chicken is to send you on guilt trips, which frankly you don't really need.
So, to sum it all up, actualize the nitty-gritty component of your problems, visualize an endpoint, pay attention to the grandchild and grandma in you, and screw the parent.
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