Crepes

 I made crepes this morning. It has been many years since I have done so. The recipe is relatively simple, but the process not quite so; and for someone as out of practice as myself, the challenges felt exponential. When all has been said and done, I have managed to burn my fingers, put out a few little fires where the batter fell on to the stove; the counter covered in flour, and the sink overflowed with utensils. Still, the end product was pleasing. Sure, it won't be winning any awards soon and took repeated attempts to get it right, but it satisfied a craving, and how wonderful it was to have made something from scratch and share it.

Life is messy. And sometimes the little things that bring us joy entail no small amount of hardship and suffering. Things get broken, battered, beaten. You could even get burnt by your handle on things, and find yourself putting out fires here and there. There are probably easier ways with less hassle; but I tell you, if you stick with it, bear the heat, live in the moment, you will be rewarded. It doesn't have to be pretty, but I can tell you the simple things will still just be as sweet and savoury if not more so because you know you have earned it.

Life, it is messy, it is dirty, unpredictable and chaotic. Even if you follow the recipe. But if at the end of the day it means you get to share something nice, then it is worth it.

Trust your friends

 There are moments when I fear I am nothing more than a charlatan, donning a facade to play a charade. A once-promising individual whose prime is gone and now lacklustre; holding fast to fading dreams. A has-been wannabe relegated irrelevant living a pretense.

Harsh is the inner words whispered so softly, poisoning my soul and eroding my resolve.

Then, I look at my friends, the quality of their being, their calibre, their character, and I think to myself, surely they can't all be so misguided to esteem me their friendship. So maybe I am not perfect, but perhaps there is hope for me yet. Maybe I am still worth it. And so I strive. I strive to make myself deserving of the love and patience bestowed upon me. I hope I am doing ok.

I don't think I am always successful, but at least now I know when I am bowed low it is not because of my low self-esteem, but because I am humbled and honoured to have friends such as each of you who believe in me when I would have otherwise lost faith in myself.

So for anyone else who has felt as I do. Who trips and falls, who fears being a disappointment often, may you find comfort in the safe haven of friends and family just as I have through mine. Trust in their judgement when yours is clouded. May our outward angels shout down the inner demons.

Pay it back, pay it forward.