A very funny patient

I have been told that humor is a defense mechanism, employed to deflect attention away from the real issue at hand.  Well, if that is the case, my patient is having some full blown issues... but I have got to give him credit for making me laugh.  Here are some excerpts from our conversation

Me: "So, what brings you here today"

Patient: "My wife." (at which point his wife promptly but playfully slaps him)

Me: "How's your hearing?" 

Patient: "I don't know, they haven't set a trial date yet."

Me performing otoscopy while the patient's spouse sits on the other side

Patient: "Hey doc, you look like a nice fellow, but I don't want you eying the missus with that scope."

Patient's spouse: "Oh hush you, you have got too much hair in there for him to get a clean look anyway" (technically true...)

Me: "Is there anything you have avoided doing because of your hearing loss?"

Patient (whispers conspiratory): "Oh, a special pretty young thing (winks at wife), you know, because I can't hear her coming, and I don't want to get [hearing] aids."  (Yes folks, he officially earns the title of being that dirty old man). 

Me: "Do you hear ringing in your ears?"

Patient: "No, but I drool a lot, and I wish someone would answer the phone."

Me: "What do you want most out of your hearing aids?" 

Patient: "To hear my wife... sneaking up behind me."

Me; "Do you have trouble following conversations in noisy environments?"

Patient: "No, but I gotta tell ya, it seems conversations follow me around, behind my back.  Ask her, she knows what I am talking about." (Gestures towards his wife).

Me; "Alright, I am going to have you repeat some words for me."

Patient: "Did my wife gave you some cue cards earlier?  She must have, she always have words for me."

Patient (me on the other side of the booth): "Honey, I think the kid is getting fresh with me.  He is whispering dirty words I can't repeat in your presence."

Patient: "Gee, doc, I wish I have met you earlier, I would have asked you to build me a booth like this, would have made a great guest room for my mother-in-law."

What a treat it was working with this patient and his wife.  Married for nearly 52 years, and such wonderful flow of humorous dialogs between the two.  He may have a whopping hearing loss, but to see these two communicate beyond words is quite marvellous.  

My views

Before I continue further I would like to make it very clear that what follows below are my personal views on a matter that is very contentious and evokes strong emotional responses from those who care greatly about it.  I make no claims to be an expert on the matter, and it is not my intention to offend anyone.  I welcome your feedback provided it is not intentional hurtful, irrational, distasteful. 

By now I suppose there is quite a few of you who have heard the news that the Episcopal Church, via the General Convention, has approved a Rite to Bless Same Sex Couples.   You can read more about it here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=156584940

In a nutshell (which does not do it justice), it is basically a declaration that the Episcopal Church is recognizing and accepting people of different sexual orientations into its fold.  If truth be told, I have often thought that such a declaration is redundant, I would even venture that it was pre-ordained that people of different sexuality is welcomed to the church as the slogan of the Episcopal Church is “The Episcopal Church welcomes you” and not “The Episcopal Church Welcomes you, except if you are…”    

In the few short days since the news came out I have been bombarded with amusement, bemusement, questions, sneers, and jeers from various people who knew of my Episcopal inclination.   First off, I stand by what has been decided at the General Convention, and am proud of the way in which it was made.     I think the dialogs were conducted with much prayer, thought, heart, intellect and positive regards to all the parties involved. That which has always attracted me to the Episcopal Church- the willingness of its members to be open and discuss in a cordial manner all things under the sun. 

To those who inquire of my stance on the views on people of different sexual orientations, and my stance on the Episcopal Church’s decision to approve a Rite Blessing Same Sex  Couples:

1. It is none of my business, and for that matter yours, what people’s sexual orientations are within the bedroom.   Let’s face it, that’s really what bothers most people anyway, it is not so much the gender of who so-and-so is attracted to, but the sexual act that occurs between those individuals that bother them.    My views are irrelevant really, because I do not have the authority to approved or pass judgment upon whom somebody should love.  It is also irrelevant what I have to say to something that occurs between two consenting individuals. My take on it is if you are a decent human being, courteous, and capable of loving someone truly, whomever that may be,  kudos to you and God bless, because He ordains it so, and nothing I do or say will cast it asunder.  Love is love.  
2.  Don’t tell me that it is blasphemy, that homosexuality it is against G-d’s wishes.  I don’t know G-d too well, and I have a feeling I will never know Him completely.  But from what I understand, He is pretty omnipotent, and completely beyond our ability to grasp, comprehend etc (totaliter aliter).  So far be it from me or you, or anyone for that matter, to lay claim what G-d’s wishes are about.   The bible hasn’t been updated in the past few years, and even what we have today has been substantially edited to fit within the views of a time frame.   That in of it self is already trying to restrict our understanding of a being whom we at the same time claim we can never fully contain, or restraint.  For that matter, I don’t think endorsing a blessing for same sex couple is an attempt to define G-d either.  If anything, it opens us to the possibility that G-d can be so, and thereby expand our horizon and potential of coming just a bit closer to knowing Him. After all, we can only hope to catch a glimpse of a higher calling, a greater being in the people around us.  We would be so bless if we are open enough so that just maybe Father, Son and Holy Ghosts, the company of the angels and archangels, saints and apostles would make themselves known to us through our fellow humans, our mutual breaking of the bread, and drinking of the blood.  A higher sampling rate, from a wider pool of people won’t hurt the process.
3. Regarding the claim that it is un-natural.  I do believe there is extensive literature that supports the existence of homosexuality within nature, e.g. in higher primates, and lower life forms.  It is only unnatural if it is imposed upon you, performed on you against your wishes, like rape.  However, from where I stand, no one is really trying to impose sexual orientation on one another.   No one has tried to convert me into homosexuality,  and I don’t think I will have any success converting my homosexual friends that they need to have intercourse with the opposite sex.    
4. I will not leave the Episcopal Church.   I am not ashamed of being part of a church that is much bigger and all encompassing.  I will not be so little of mind and narrow of heart. 

And if I am indeed so misguided, then may G-d forgive me; it is after all in His nature to do so.   But if I am correct, well, it is irrelevant,  G-d’s will be done.