Loneliness

It is strange how sometimes you can be in a room full of friendly people and still feel very alone... 

I feel that is a situation in which I am quite familair with. As I look about me, I realize that there are a lot of great people around me. I have a lot of friends, acquaintances, people who are just awesome to be with... yet, somehow, I feel there is something missing. I feel that I have somehow constructed a mental barrier that is keeping me somewhat removed from them. I yearn constantly for human contact, for deep conversations and sharing of experiences... but at the very same time, I seem to keep my distance... it is so weird. On the surface I know a hell lot of great people... but how much do I really know them, and how much do they know of me. It seems I am standing here at a junction of dichotomies. A singular problem that has stumped me for years...

How can it be that I still feel alone and yet not? I feel like I am in search of a catalyst, someone who can act as the filter and enhancer of my experience with other people. Someone with whom I can share my experiences with, a healthy rapport between two souls, ultimately looking outwards  towards the same horizons, ready to explore, expand and express the boundaries of our experiences... 

In the end... can I be my own catalyst? Does this urge I feel for companionship a valid one when I myself cannot be content  with who  I am? No, better yet, do I know who I am at this point to present a likeable me?