Being film noir

I have discovered that one of the disappointments in life comes from expecting that people will change because of some action on my part. The disappointment, I can live with; after all, it is simply a matter of readjusting my expectations. Yet, I must admit, the very act of "lowering" my expectations disappoints me tremendously. It feels like an act of surrender, and with each surrender, a part of me dies. I regress as a person, I become cynical. My life slowly morphing into a novel from which film noir draws its inspiration.

I know I am being dramatic, after all, I am still a pretty decent guy ( I think). However, if this keep going the way it is now, I am going to become a wisp of the man that I once was growing up to be. Soon, women will find me attractive not because I am nice, but because I am damaged goods. They see a project, a wounded soul behind gaunt eyes that could perhaps be revived. Ah, what a foolish notion that would be, for I am a lost cause, and I will only convert them, creating more cynics, perpetuating the cycle.

No, I must put a stop to this. But how? How does one continue to have faith in humanity? How does one refrain from falling into the fallacies set for altruists? How?

Be

I believe that sometimes in our zeal to admire the success of selected individuals, we neglected the failures along the way which propelled them to that status. We failed to acknowledge the fact that they too at some point struggled tremendously to provide us with the perception of a smooth end-product. As such, we set for ourselves disappointment when we gaze internally and perceive our relative lack of mastery and elegance. Overtime, we grow to manifest resentment towards those very same individuals for making us feel inadequate.

I say our world would be a better place if we cease to compare ourselves to others. At the very least, let the yardstick of their achievements to which we measure ourselves against be mere guidelines. It is good to always strive for the very best, it is nice to have someone to look up to; yet, our singular lives would be a disaster if we could not look up to ourselves, look deep within ourselves, and look at ourselves without scorn.

In the grand scheme of things, there will always be someone who is better, someone who is worst, and someone who is your equal. If you end up being resentful to those who are better because they make you feel worst about yourself. If you despise those who are inferior, because you deem them beneath you. If you fear those who you are equal because of fear that they may surpass you. Then you may as well hide from the world because the likelihood is that each person you meet will have arenas whereby they are superior, inferior and equal to you; which conversely makes you equally loathsome.

No, be yourself, and be all that you can be, most importantly, be.