My heart goes to you. I know I am far from you at the moment, and perhaps my lack of experience in this life does not allow me to provide you with the solace you so richly deserve. Still I want you to know that how ever little I can carry, I carry with you.
Initially I had hope to ask Him to grant you a certain degree of numbness to help you get by. Yet, as I think about it more, it would have been an insult to you to ask G-d to provide you a cowardly way out. I don't know how to put this right, and you may perhaps heard this before... but I would be damned if I don't confess that it is apparent G-d has more faith in you than I do. For while I most surely would have begged Him to take this cup away from you, myself and all those whom I hold dear... you have shown yourself time and time again worthy of His love and His challenges.
Most importantly, despite all that you have been through you still care so damn much... and while it hurts like hell each and every time, the very fact that you feel it still with such breadth and depth, as if a wound anew.... that speaks highly of who you are, and I only hope that I will be the same, never losing my sincerity, and my ability to feel each cut as deeply as you do now.
I can not explain, justify nor reason why it must happen this way. It further pains me to know that regardless of what other may try to say and comfort you, the reality for you at the moment remains that it was unnecessary, that Sammie deserves better. I am incline to agree with you wholeheartedly... but this I will contend, in the short years I have walked upon this transitory earth, I am thoroughly convinced that no death is untimely. Regardless of the manner, Death is perhaps the one thing that is on time. It is tragic that Sammie has to endure such a passing, I too would have loved to see him grow old and die in comfort having given his life, adoration and dedication to you for some more years. But it is just that... regardless of how short his life span was, how painfully and tragically it end for him, he has not failed in giving you his all... and while we mourn for the passing of a loved one... we must stop and ask ourselves, if we truly believe in what we believe in as Christian, then can we truly mourn? For to be who we are, then should we not rejoice in knowing that those who pass on is in a better place? Yes, it is incredibly tragic that no longer shall we feel the brush of their being upon our senses, nor shall they benefit from the riches of this earth. But here is the kicker... it is our lost not theirs that we mourn for... I know not exactly where I am going with this.
But this I will admit, I hope that each and everyone of us can live so that we will be as sorely missed as Sammie, as Roxy and the many who have come before. And that each grief I feel will be as deep and hurtful as that you feel for it only means after all this time we still care, and that speaks of human triumphs that few have the courage or capacity to claim.
I applaud you, and I wish to stand by you in these times of trouble. I don't know if I have succeed even in a little bit to comfort you. I strive to speak from my heart in hopes that it will connect with yours. Should I failed, then I beg for your forgiveness. Know that you are not alone.
Dominus tecum.
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