Darkness is not all that dark if you choose to see the stars

Evil has always existed, and darkness always has a way to appear to have the upper hand. We can choose to feel despair in the face of it, or we forge ahead like many before us. For here is what I have come to understand through the years, for evil to win all it needs is to paralyze the masses, to render them helpless and silent, and to make them believe this is the norm. 

Insofar as there is at least one amongst us who decries that this is not the norm, who chooses to love, to spread hope, then evil is kept at bay.

You see, darkness will remain darkness, but all it takes is a candle to lit a room. All it takes are stars light years apart and away working together to guide a wayfarer home on a moonless night. 

So you seek, darkness may feel all-encompassing, but look hard enough within yourself and in others, and you will find that common and yet divine spark. Evil's victory is simply in submission; good's triumph is a constant practice in defiance, in resistance, and in persistence.

Off the beaten path

I have made a lot of little wrong turns here and there in my life. I have taken paths not intended, strayed from the ones planned, and gotten absolutely lost. Yet, along the way, I have discovered many wonderful things. I learn of things I otherwise would not, I experienced beyond what would have been merely comfortable. And while I thought myself lost and alone, I was instead found by the people I am meant to be with for whichever part of the journey. I am grateful therefore for the wrong turns I have taken. I may not be where I wanted to be when I first started, where others have thought I ought to be. Nonetheless, I am here, right where I should be.

To love a sparrow

Early one morning as I sat upon a bench along the trail, a sparrow came and visit with me.  Flying from its lofty perch on high, it descended to a spot not too far from the reach of my hand.  Our gaze met, its head tilted quizzically. Basked in the morning glow, I was struck by the spectrum of brown that speckled across its feathers, something I have never quite noticed before. I was at once mesmerized, and there came upon me such an affection for this creature that decided to grace me with its proximity.  I was almost overwhelmed by the desire to reach out and touch it.

But that's the thing, how do you show love to a sparrow? There is no doubt in my mind that if I act upon my desire, I will spook it and make it take flight, breaking the already ethereal bond that seemed to have formed. So we just sat in silence; I willing myself to project a safe space and all the positive vibes I can muster; all the meanwhile savouring the experience. I wanted so badly to prolong that moment, and while it still stirred a pang when it finally did fly away, I came to appreciate why partings are such sweet sweet sorrows.

That day I realize something - sometimes in life, there are people whom we just can't hold on to, no matter how deeply we care and want for them to stay. All we can do it savour their presence, treasure the experience.  There are beauty and love that are not meant to be possessed but passed on.  All we can do, all that we are allowed to do, is to do our best to create a safe environment so that the people and the things that make us glad can stay for a little bit, get rest, and move on in their own time.  That is the epitome of unconditional love, of stewardship.

So, learn to sit quietly.  Be still and of such hospitable countenance that people will come to you.  Be there for them, and be prepared when they leave.  Some will return, some will not.  Life is bittersweet, and I won't have it another way. 

All Hallow's Eve

Halloween presents a paradox for me.  On the one hand I absolutely abhor horror films.  I think it has to do with the fact that I am a neurotic person to began with (yes, I admit to it), and the "fear factor" just triggers in too much reaction and prolong residual effects.  I can honestly say I haven't watched a horror movie in a really really long time. 

On the other hand, I find myself quite enamor with the idea of taking up another mantle, putting a mask on All Hallow's Eve.  All Hallow's Eve, when the barrier that stands between our world and the paranormal or supernatural are at its thinnest. When immortals and monsters alike can put on a guise and roam in our midst, free to either pray upon the mortals (treat) or trick each other out of their powers.  For some reason, that notion intrigues me. 

I am not sure what it says about me.  I do know that for as long as I can remember, I have been a bit of an old soul.  I recall different lives and memories, and never quite feel a part of any one generation.  Inwardly, being out of sorts and feeling out of place comes natural.  Outwardly, it adds an intensity which I realize can be frightening for other.  So, to put others at ease, I have adept and be different character to different people and different groups.  They are all part of me, ranging from the goofy pun loving Andy, to the dark and brooding Andy.  There are all these masks, and somewhere beneath them is the true me who wears them. 

Day to day, it is different masks.  Yet for one night, I can choose and live out one persona in full without a care, and no one would know the difference.  It is the closest I can be to myself without having to accommodate for others. How liberating, how delicious the thought.  I can be archaic, and people would think it is just a costume.  I can be blatantly out of place, and would still blend in splendidly.  So while I am terribly afraid of horror, I heartily embrace the spirit of All Hallow's Eve. 

What it means to be manly?

I think somewhere along the way we got it wrong about how we teach boys to become men. Somehow, there is this notion floated about that to be manly and confident is to be loud, to come off strong, and uncompromising. To be angrily defiant in the face of any challenger and accusations made. 

We fixate on the hero narrative. That a man must overcome many obstacles, that he must struggle and accomplish many great feats of strength. Yet, we seem to forget that with whom the hero wrestles most often and must triumph over is not some mystical beast or lion, but the devil within himself. 

We overlook quiet confidence, the perseverance to endure the mundane, and the courage to admit one's shortcoming. We neglect the ability to be vulnerable, to care, to think beyond oneself, to show compassion. 

We erroneously worship the boastful, the prideful, the one who claims he is the better man. All the meanwhile we discounted the ones who are truly striving to be a better person than he was a moment ago, a day ago, or even years before - to be a better human for the next person. 

The result? We have men who are entitled, who are insecure and easily threatened. Who are vile and petty and cruel, and predatorial. We have men who lack reason, question science and possess little wisdom. We have a man who believes too much and thinks too highly of himself. We have a man who never quite grew up or conquer his demons. We have men like the ones we saw today, who talk over and shout down others.

- Written following the Nomination Hearing for the appointment of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court 

Humor

I try to find the humor in everyday life's occurrences, if I don't I think I would be in tears, which I suppose is needed from time to time, but not as much as a smile.

Life is funny if we stop to look at it; filled with its absurdities. The idiosyncrasies and peccadilloes that we each adhere to ultimately shields laughable irrationalities. I know, for I have been known for my quirkiness. In fact, I have often found myself the object of my own amusement and entertainment. There are innumerable instances whereby through self inspection I discover my penchant for idiotic and often quixotic notions.

 I am therefore grateful that first and foremost I can laugh at myself. From there, it is not that difficult to have a ready chuckle and an easy smile because suddenly I have levity. It is only right that life of such brevity should be lived in much gaiety.

Puzzlement

We are taught that we are part of a big puzzle, which I think is beautiful. However, often times the emphasis is placed upon being able to fit, rather than acknowledge that each jigsaw piece is different, with different edges, and different colours. 

We don't stress enough that it is perfectly okay to be on the other side of the puzzle or even on the fringe. We don't all need to be in the same space, but we definitely need each other to complete the picture. 

Heck, we may even be scattered all about and far from "our people". That being said, chances are, in the course of solving the puzzle, we will gravitate towards those who share similar traits, thoughts, colours, contours, and texture. As long as we are willing to connect, and find it within each of us to jive, then ultimately we will fit despite our differences. 

And, sometimes we may feel like that one piece that lingers on the periphery, discarded, forgotten. But wait long enough, who knows, we may just be that piece that finishes the puzzle. 

So hold fast to your individuality, don't trim yourself to fit in, and don't force others to fit you. If it is meant to be, it will be. You have just got to have faith that we are all pieces of a big puzzle, and we belong.