We are all here because we are not all there

I wish I can tell you that when you have reached a certain point in life you would have things all figured out. But that's not true, you see, just when you think you have got it, life throws a little something in your way.  If you are lucky, it may deter you a bit. If you are not, then you find yourself at the drawing boards right quick wondering how it all went wrong.

That's the thing they don't teach you in school. In school, there's a rubric to success. You study, you get the grades, you get the accolades,  and you graduate until you can't anymore.  At least, it feels that way.

But in life, life has a slightly different set of rules... well, more like guidelines.  In life, working hard doesn't always equate to success. At least not always in a cause and effect kind of way.  Sometimes, try as you may, life doesn't always work out the way you figured it to. Then, it becomes existential.

I know this doesn't sound comforting, but bear with me, you see, while life does not get necessary easier,  or you eventually having it all figured out, you do get better at handling it, and that in itself is the goal of it - being able to know that come what may, you'll be ok, you will handle it.

That's the message we have missed in school. It was never about the grades, the trophies, or popularity. It was about you finding it in you to struggle with a tough concept. It was about you learning to reach out to teachers, and friends when you needed the help, to recognize what the right people looked like that you needed to build your village in years to come. And yes, chances are you will need to keep rebuilding that village again and again as people come and go, people change, you change. 

It is about learning how to find you in the midst of puberty, hormonal changes, and synaptic realignment.  People kept telling me middle school was hell because it was awkward, and it was a confusing time. But that's because it is built around the myth that adulthood meant stability,  that maturity is attained. 

The truth is we don't stop growing, and those situations we dread in middle school, the toxic personalities,  the tough teachers, the hard classes, the social awkwardness, those are all occurring still, albeit in different shapes and sizes, and different scenarios.  Look carefully though,  look deep, and you will recognize the familiarity of it all.

So... will we ever figure it out? I hope not, because chances are we will be dead. I mean it, life isn't about having it all figured out, and having your stuff out together. No, that is the byproduct.  Life is about getting to know yourself and constantly modifying your abilities to get closer to the real you. The one who is not daunted by circumstances, that refuses be deterred. It is about looking back and not being ashamed of the awkward teenager that you once were, or regret what you have not become.  Life is about trusting yourself to know you can love without reserve, be hurt, be vulnerable,  and still come out the other side just fine. Because at the end of the day, even if you never have your stuff together, even if you don't have it all figured out, intrinsically you are still loved, valued, relatable, and validated. Because at the end of the day, none of us have it all together, none of us have it figured out. But we are in it together, and we put our heads together and will try to figure it out.

In the meantime, loosen up, liven up, but don't worry about living it up to some standards but your own. 

People change and we love them still

People change. We change. We need to accept that, otherwise we hold onto an image and confine it to something which it no longer is. That's how we grow apart from people we love, when we fail to account for their change and be disappointed that they no longer fit in our idea of them, and vice versa.

That's like holding on to a photograph of a much younger you and refusing to ever let another picture be taken of you again. Think of what the world would miss out? Sure, your skin may no longer be as smooth, life and age leave their mark. But that picture of the older you, it would have told a different story - one worth telling and listened. It shows you wiser because you dared to live, to love, to venture out, be bold, be scared, cried, laughed. It's all there, and it is glorious. I guarantee it.

Look, if we can accept that we can love our children as they go through their different stages of life, why not the same with ourselves and with the people around us. They grow, they change, and we embrace that and love them still. Because love is not stagnant but ever evolving. The fun part of love is loving and learning how to love over and over again simply because the love you have had a week ago, yesterday, a second ago is not the exact same as it will be. It shouldn't be because you and the people you love are not the same with each passing moment. The essence is still there, but the person changes, as do you. Love grows and it accepts.