A long time ago my priest said to me, "Read the Psalms, there you will find poems of great lament that eventually ends with hope, joy, and redemption. Read the Psalms wherever you are in your life, and may you find the comfort you need to be better." I think that is what attracted me most to spiritual songs such as this one, Give Me Jesus, or my other favourite Let Us Break Bread Together. For out of much pain and suffering, in the midst of isolation and desolation these songs were written and sung, and they never fail to express the sentiment that despite it all there remains the ability to praise and to believe.
Faith did not come easily to me, I wrestle with it, I struggle. Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of my journey is that my ability to self sabotage remains ever so great; my own will constantly leading me astray. I know the laws and the commandments, I have felt the grace of G-d and still I fall, daily and repeatedly. I refuse the love, and close myself to life. I relapse, again and again, tripping over myself, getting in my own way in my little mind, trapped in its labyrinth, thinking to myself I enjoy this darkness and solitude for I am not worthy to be known, to be better. Silly, I know, but there it is.
I become enslaved by my own "free" will, fettered by my shortcomings, and shackled to feelings of inadequacies; a prisoner of iniquities and vulnerabilities. Then I listen to these spirituals, and for a moment I am uplifted, carried over to the next moment and the next until I feel somewhat wholesome again to face the world.
https://youtu.be/UATdVbSvZhM
https://youtu.be/51nRgu38S-8
