I am not suicidal, I just think that death is inevitable, and I think I am ready for it. Looking back, I may have had a medicore life, but it wasn't bad. I still have a lot of dreams that I want to fulfil. For instance, I want to blend arts and science with my psychology degree and then doing research work in neuroscience, and then I want to blend religion and science together by studying both theology and doing advance research in neurotheology- are humans wired for beliefs. I want to lead a fulfilling life, a life that is not spent in specialization, but a life of exploring and letting people know they can be whoever they want to be and still lead a good life.
Most important, I want to have a family. I want to have a significant other, and we can explore and share this life together, to experience things together. to have children, and see to it that they are well brought up. That would be swell if I can stay long enough to do all these. Yet, at the same time, I am content to die right now, I would be even more content if I can save someone by my death. I am proud to say it, proud to admit that I am ready to go now. this sounds scary to a lot of people, but I feel that there are no such thing as premature deaths. We are all here for a purpose, and that purpose may involve us dying "earlier". When we leave, it is usually because we have serve our purpose, and we will wait somewhere in the spiritual until our next assignment. Yes, I do believe in reincarnation, perhaps not in the strictiest sense, but bear with me, I am pragmatic, eclectic
I think the soul is like a student going to college, it needs to et enough credit hours/lives before it can graduate and be ready to move on to perhaps a higher level of existence, or even non-existence. Ah well, that is another topic. I just feel that in general, I am ready to die... maybe I would be sad to leave because there is much that I want to cling to, there is much that I still want to do, to have fallen in love and loved fiercely, passionately, to dwell in the euphoria, rapture of joy that only true love can bring. But I have lived, and I did loved and was loved. Perhaps that is enough for me.
Maybe this will be the last diary entry I will ever write, perhaps my wisdom will die with me, but I know I will live on, either through those who will honor my memory, or through the existence of my soul which will linger to protect those whom I hold dear. In case I ever leave this corporeal world temporary, know that I will always love you and keep watch over you with my Father's permission, and I shall return in your hour of need, and I shall return again when I am ready to be born again. Remember the phoenix.
btw, don't visit my grave, because I ain't there. I am where it matters most, and the grave with its pretty little slab ain't no resting place for me.
